sweet dreams, my beautiful nightmare
by emilyforprez
Summary: moorshipping ; angst


**A/N:** I've been intrigued by these two lately, ever since I saw the Erin spoiler that said Heathertail still is in love with Lionblaze, and doesn't feel anything for Breezepelt, but apparently their relationship is far more complicated than 'just friends.'

* * *

The moonlight was casting cold, dark shadows over the unbidden landscape when Heatherpaw slunk in the camp, her tail lowered slightly and her hazy blue eyes dull. Breezepaw could see the sliver of her tabby fur from where he hid in the shadows, and he lashed his tail mutely in disapproval.

"_Heatherpaw_," Breezepaw hissed fiercely, voice nothing but a whisper as to not alert the other warriors to the she-cat's presence.

Almost at once, Heatherpaw's delicate head shot up, ears pricked warily and eyes wide with guilt. Breezepaw slid from his patented watch-out spot, watching how immediately her tabby fur settled, lying flat against her body, and her eyes shifted to weary uneasiness. Sniffing crossly, the she-cat darted her gaze away and averted her head, flicking her tail from side to side nervously.

"What do you want, furball?"

It was an expected response, and Breezepaw rolled his shoulders despondently at the question. "That can be answered in many ways," he replied evasively, amber eyes narrowing a fraction.

Heatherpaw froze. "As for you _watching_ me, like a hawk?" she muttered angrily, ears twitching to betray her fear that he would tell the Clan. "I'd like to know that, Breezepaw."

"You've been sneaking off to see _Lionpaw_!" Breezepaw practically exploded, remembering just in time to keep his voice down. "And you accuse me of being distrustful. Why should I believe a single hair on your pelt?"

"Shut up!" Heatherpaw whispered back, just as heatedly. "Nothing's changed, you ignorant idiot! Nothing! You're acting like, like you're -"

_In love with you_, Breezepaw supplied silently.

"- my mentor or something, and you aren't," Heatherpaw finished at last, ears flattened.

Breezepaw's jaw clicked repeatedly, evenly, forcing him to swallow down his words. "You're seeing a cat from another Clan." It was a weak argument.

"I'm in love with him," came Heatherpaw's quick and brutally honest answer, a readily-barbed comment piercing straight into his heart.

Breezepaw turned away, tail twitching with barely-suppressed rage and sorrow, an even dose of each feeling. "Be more subtle about it, why don't you?"

There was a silence then, a deafening silence. Breezepaw's heart thudded in the silence, thumping heavily against his ribcage, teasing him with its aching. Heatherpaw's eyes were harsh and honest and unsympathetic and cruel, and she was a cold she-cat and _why in StarClan's name do I want her so much?_

"He doesn't want me anymore."

"_What?_" At that, Breezepaw immediately turned, all thoughts of his imminent heartbreak vanished as he struggled to comprehend Heatherpaw's words.

Heatherpaw's eyes were distant again. "He said he had to be a good warrior. That loyal warriors didn't go off and visit cats from other Clans. That... that it had to be this way. That's all. That was it." She chuckled bitterly, humorlessly, claws unsheathed to knead anxiously at the soft moorland soil. "He just... doesn't want me. I've never felt so ugly in my life."

The confession weighed heavy in the air.

"You're not ugly," Breezepaw assured her in a whisper, and it was the end of everything he'd ever known, because in that instant, she was colliding with his chest, her head nestled there and her chest heaving as she sobbed. She nuzzled him affectionately and distantly, as if imagining he were some other cat. He was sure she was imagining Lionpaw.

Her head was under the crook of his neck and she was sobbing and apologizing and she scented so beautifully that suddenly it didn't matter that she didn't want him. Right now, he could pretend.

---

Nothing was out of place the next morning. She had fallen asleep nestled against him, her tail curled around his body and her nose pressed to his. When Breezepaw awoke, he fancied that they could be like this one day, when Lionpaw was just a fading memory and she wanted to be his mate.

So he fell back asleep as sunhigh approached, because he was certain he wanted to remember this moment for the rest of his life.

He didn't dream, because his dream was suddenly reality, and any long-term complications were just worries that would never take root.

---

It happened again when they were warriors.

Heathertail had come back to camp after patrolling the border, finding Breezepelt curled up in the warriors den after a particularly long hunting patrol, catching up on sleep. He was alone and she was alone when she slid beside him and pressed herself into his fur.

He awoke like that and caught her stunning blue gaze, intoxicated by her scent, mesmerized by her eyes, and so he curled himself tighter around her and promptly asked her what was wrong.

"I saw Lionblaze."

Of course. The root of all problems began with Lionblaze and ended with heartbreak.

"Okay." Breezepelt remembered to take in a shallow breath of air, the atmosphere suddenly thick and suffocating to him. "What happened?" He was careful to keep his voice neutral.

"Nothing," Heathertail whispered in a voice that was suddenly distant and detached, a voice he heard often when she was reflecting on memories and nights spent in the tunnels with her apprentice love. _Apprentice love._

That was all it was, right?

"Okay." There were no more words needed to be said, and Breezepelt was just content to warm her body with his, whispering saccharine promises into her ears as she purred and fell asleep. He again fancied that things could be like this in the near future. That she would realize he was always there for her.

---

She want to him for comfort but never for love. Comfort and love were two very different things, he realized, when it came to Heathertail.

When she fell asleep in his embrace, it was comfort. It was only ever love when he stared at her, mesmerized, loving her.

Love never came from her.

Love glowed an insignia in his eyes, whispered in his voice, his actions, his fur. His heart. His lungs. Everything reacted to her when he was in her presence.

But love only ever emanated from him and never her. Because she was the queen at breaking toms. Breaking them until they feel nothing at all.


End file.
